You’ll Definitely Be Creeped Out By This New Sex Toy Known As “The Handie”

Humor — October 3, 2014 at 4:11 am by


There’s just something about this latest male sex toy that isn’t exactly floating my boat. The “all-in-one finishing tool” seems like it would leave a lot to be desired.

“Soft, supple glove design?”- Basically the grossest thing I’ve ever heard of. But nothing makes me want to jack off less than watching that lube seep out of the palm of that artificial hand. The different color options, however, are a nice touch. My first concern is what would happen if I got bored with the pink one, but luckily there’s a green option, just in case. The purple one will be nice during Ravens season.

“Best of all, clean up.”- If the best part of your masturbatory toy is what its going to do for me in my refractory period, you’ve got to redesign this bad boy. And please make the hand less wrinkly. I don’t need to be envisioning Larry King’s old mitts wrapped around my shaft.

Unfortunately for all of you pervs out there, the Handie is not yet available, but you’ll probably see me rocking one of those limited edition T-shirts around town every where I go. Sticker sets for the kids too.

Screen shot 2014-10-03 at 4.05.34 AM

via Metro

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