Will Aaron Hernandez Pull an O.J.? Who Would Drive If He Did?

Featured, Sports and Bets — June 20, 2013 at 9:00 pm by

On June 17, 1994 the New York Knicks and the Houston Rockets were playing in Game 5 of the NBA Finals.  While the game was being aired on NBC, Tom Brokaw broke in with some breaking news. News cameras cut to Los Angeles where O.J. Simpson sat in the back seat of a  white 1993 Ford Bronco while a friend and former teammate, Al Cowlings, drove him down the L.A. Freeway.  Behind them every cop in L.A. gave pursuit.  It was a low-speed chase that ultimately ended at Simpson’s mansion, where he gave himself up to police.  He was wanted for the double murder of his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and her friend Ronald Goldman.  It was reported that over 95 million people watched the chase through L.A.

Maybe he'll get more tattoos while in jail.

Maybe he’ll get more tattoos while in jail.

Fast forward to today.  Patriots Tight End Aaron Hernandez is being mentioned  in the murder investigation of Odin Lloyd, a known “associate” of Hernandez’s, and several sources are even reporting that Aaron’s arrest is imminent.  Tonight is Game 7 of the NBA Finals and things seem to be getting desperate for ol’ Hernandez.  So the question arises in my mind, does Aaron Hernandez own a white 1993 Ford Bronco?  (If not, a white 2012 Ford Explorer will do.)  And if he does own such a vehicle, and if he knows his arrest is imminent, will he pull an O.J. and go for a ride tonight?  Perhaps he will, but if he does an even bigger question arises, who will drive him?  Below we give odds on which teammate will get behind the wheel tonight, and what they would probably say if asked to do so.

1,000-1 Tom Brady:  He isn’t touching this one with a 10 foot pole.  “I hope you weren’t wearing UGGS when you did it, that would make me look bad, bro.”

75-1 Rob Gronkowski:  Gronk would probably be down for an adventure, but his back and forearm are too fucked up to drive.  “You gotta bring beer and chicks for the ride dude.”


50-1 Stevan Ridley:  Doubtful.  Probably still woozy from Bernard Pollard’s knockout in the AFC Championship.   “Who is this?”


30-1 Wes Welker:  Dependable guy, but probably still bitter about not being resigned.  ‘No extension means I’m not your teammate anymore.  I gotta drive Peyton to Wal-Mart later anyway.”

10-1 Sebastian Vollmer:  Possible.  Offensive lineman are always looking for more of the spotlight.  ” Alright, but we’re not playing any of that hip-hop shit while we’re cruising down the Central Artery.”

5-1 Bill Belichek:  With Gronk hurt Hernandez is vital to New England’s offensive success.  “Didn’t we show you how to properly dispose of evidence during spygate?”

2-1 Tim Tebow:  If Aaron can convince Tim he’s innocent, Tebow will jump at the chance to help.  It would also give Tebow him some much-needed street cred.  “We ride to our salvation!”

Place your bets!



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