Time For Zach’s ‘The Ravens Finally Won A Game’ Week 5 Power Rankings

Sports and Bets — October 6, 2015 at 11:30 pm by


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Well, well, well, look who finally got in the win column this week. Sure they didn’t deserve it, but throughout a 16 game NFL season, every team’s gonna have a game or two that they didn’t deserve to win that they somehow pulled off.

This week, a couple teams stayed undefeated, while a couple teams got their first win of the season. But how did this week shake up my Power Rankings going into week 5?


1. New England Patriots 3-0 (+0 from last week)- The Pats looked better on their bye week than most teams did playing a game.

2. Green Bay Packers 4-0 (+0)- Tempting to move the Pack to the top spot, but honestly until New England loses, I hate to say it, they’re the best team in the league. Packers are giving them a run for their money though.

3. Cincinnati Bengals 4-0 (+0)- Who would have thought an Andy Dalton led team would look this good? Wait, it’s still the regular season.

4. Arizona Cardinals 3-1 (+0)– I’m not going to punish the Cardinals for losing their first game that Carson Palmer started since 2013. They look too damn good.

5. Denver Broncos 4-0 (+1)- Peyton’s arm hasn’t fallen off quite yet.

6. Seattle Seahawks 2-2 (+1)- Looks like the Seahawks are finally back on track. Until they go back on the road again.

7. Atlanta Falcons 4-0 (+4)- What’s up with the Falcons? Are they actually as good as they’re playing?

8. Carolina Panthers 4-0 (+0)- The Panthers’ schedule is absolute cake.

9. Indianapolis Colts 2-2 (+1)- The Colts pulled off a win with a starting quarterback who’s been bald since he was like 10 years old.


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10. Pittsburgh Steelers 2-2 (-5)- You got to feel bad for the Steelers. Unless you’re a Ravens fan, fuck em.

11. St. Louis Rams 2-2 (+8)– Two great wins, two horrible losses.

12. New York Jets 3-1 (+5)- The Jets actual might make the playoffs. The Jets.

13. Dallas Cowboys 2-2 (-1)- I’m not gonna kill the whole team because their backup quarterback is Brandon Weeden.

14. Buffalo Bills 2-2 (-5)- Penalties out the ass. Who are they, the Ravens?

15. San Diego Chargers 2-2 (+5)- I realize they barely beat the Browns, but the Chargers always scare me and I hate playing them.

16. Minnesota Vikings 2-2 (-2)- The Vikings are a confusing team. They should just run the ball 100 percent of their offensive plays. And I don’t think I’m exaggerating.

17. New York Giants 2-2 (+4)- Nice win over Rex’s penalized Bills.

18. Baltimore Ravens 1-3 (+4)- It only took two missed field goals, a bad coaching decision, and a backup quarterback, but the Ravens are in the win column!

19. Kansas City Chiefs 1-3 (-6)- I thought the Chiefs were a sure playoff team, but they look pretty mediocre.

20. Oakland Raiders 2-2 (-5)- Losing to the Bears isn’t easy.

21. Philadelphia Eagles 1-3 (-5)- They’ll get it right eventually. I think.

22. Washington Redskins 2-2 (+6)- Is the bottom third of the league terrible or what that I think the Redskins are better than 10 teams.

23. New Orleans Saints 1-3 (+6)- One win and suddenly everyone’s on their dick? This still isn’t a good team.

24. Tennessee Titans 1-2 (+3)- The Titans rose three spots during their bye week because not playing is better than losing.

25. Detroit Lions 0-4 (-1)- 0-16 isn’t out of the cards again.

26. Chicago Bears 1-3 (+6)- Jay Cutler proving why he’s the mother fucking man. Love me some Chicago Bears.

27. Cleveland Browns 1-3 (-2)- Can’t win this year without Johnny, can’t loose with him. Numbers don’t lie.

28. Jacksonville Jaguars 1-3 (+3)- Almost beat old man Hasselbeck.

29. Houston Texans 1-3 (-11)- The Texans are a train wreck right now.

30. Miami Dolphins 1-3 (-7)– The Dolphins need to take a long look in the mirror. Lessons from your former superstar.


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31. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-1)- Four interceptions and still looked better than Kaepernick.

32. San Francisco 49ers (-6)- This team was in the Super Bowl 3 years ago.

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