The 2014 All-Toilet Fantasy Football Team

Featured, Sports and Bets — December 3, 2014 at 6:31 pm by

Every year it happens, players get over hyped and can’t possibly live up to their perceived fantasy value. In fact most of the first round this year has been a disappointment at some point or another during the course of the year. Whether it be because of injury or lack of production, there are a ton of pissed off fantasy owners who didn’t get an acceptable return on their investment. Below is the team that I hope you didn’t draft this year.

Babes and Charm City Wire Presents:  The 2014 All-Toilet Fantasy Football Team 


Andy Dalton: After finishing in the top five in fantasy points for quarterbacks last year, Dalton has been extremely pedestrian this year. He did lose about a month of AJ Green time, but still Dalton only has 12 TD passes this year versus 10 picks.  He. Sucks. So. Bad.

Cam Newton: I think everyone may have tempered their expectations for Superman coming into this season considering his considerable lack if weapons. But people still thought Cam could come through with his rushing. Only two trips to the end zone on the ground for Cam though doesn’t get it done.  Kryptonite.



Running Backs
Trent Richardson: I think fantasy owners have finally had it with T Rich’s mediocrity. He is consistently losing out to other backs on his own team for touches. The Colts trade for him will go down as one if the worst trades in history. He is right on pace for his career rushing average this year of 3.4 yards per carry.


Montee Ball: I’ll admit I was all over Ball as a mid first round pick. Thank God I only got him in one league because between all the injuries and ineffectiveness, he has managed only 28.4 fantasy points this entire season. Lesson learned here, take as many Denver backs as you can later in the draft. You are bound to get at least two to three good weeks of use out of each of them.

Zac Stacy: Thankfully I avoided the Stacy debacle in all my leagues, but he was tough to pass on in the early third round. I don’t remember a back every falling out of favor that fast before. He has only 66 carries this year.  Disaster, babes.

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Christine Michael: Here is the back that really hurt me this year. I took Michael in multiple leagues, thinking he would be a good complement to Lynch, but nagging injuries have deemed him useless this year. Wish I could have that eighth or ninth round pick back.  I should have drafted Christine Baranski.


Wide Receivers

Cordarralle Patterson: This guy was the bane of my fantasy existence this year. He showed so much promise in the second half of last year that I was sure he would break out under the tutelage of the offensive genius, Norv Turner.  He is still too dynamic to give up on, but this year was a major step back. Only 30 catches and one td this year through the air; and this guy has the nerve to wear the same number Randy Moss did in Minnesota.


Michael Floyd: Talk about frustrating, you play him three weeks in a row and get duds. Sit him down and he catches two first quarter touchdown passes. That’s been the type of year Floyd owners have been dealing with. It makes no sense either, that is what’s so frustrating. Floyd broke out last year with over 1000 yards, and he plays in a good passing offense.

Michael Crabtree/Vincent Jackson/Marques Colston: All three of these guys are big name players that were taken ahead of the great rookie receiver class that enormously outperformed them. All three of these players are averaging a mediocre 7 fantasy points per game with 9 touchdowns amongst them. Guess now we can debunk that old adage that rookie receivers aren’t good for fantasy until three years in.  Or we can just say that Crabtree, Jackson, and Colston all suck.


Pierre Garçon: Talk about a major bust! Garçon had over 100 catches last year, but has only two double-digit fantasy games this season. Last week he was targeted nine times, and only managed 3 grabs for 9 yards. Yes, the Redskins have gone through three quarterbacks, but you still expect more from a vet like Garçon.  The damn French are never reliable.



Tight End:

Vernon Davis: What the hell happened to Vernon Davis? First he wanted a contract extension in the preseason, now he is below guys like Daniel Fells and Josh Hill in fantasy points on the season. Talk about falling off a cliff. He has one fantasy game in double digits, and not more than four points in any other.  He, khaki pants, and Kaepernick need to huddle up and figure some shit out.

Jordan Reed: I tried to avoid players that missed significant time for injury and that was the exact drawback to Reed back at draft time. So much talent, but the guy just can’t stay healthy. Reed hasn’t found the end zone all year despite 40 targets.  He’s so Redskins.

Jordan Cameron: He was most likely the fourth or fifth tight end off the board, and thought of as part of that 1B tier of playmaking tight ends. Cameron was bad early on, had one good game, then has been out for over a month with another concussion. This was a player playing for a huge contract too, so very surprising.  Maybe if he was having a good year- nah, the Browns would still suck.

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