Surprise, Surprise, David Ortiz Has A Problem With New Pace Of Play Rules

Sports and Bets — February 25, 2015 at 7:47 pm by


Major League Baseball is enforcing some new rules this season to speed up the pace of play. The average length of a game has never been longer, with last year’s average game running three hours and eight minutes. One of the rule changes for this upcoming season is that hitters will keep one foot in the batter’s box in between pitches, unless one of these exceptions occurs. In an absolutely shocking development, David Ortiz hates this rule. Here’s some Ortiz quotes from ESPN:

“It seems like every rule goes in the pitcher’s favor. After a pitch, you got to stay in the box? One foot? I call that bullshit. … It doesn’t matter what they do, the game is not going to speed up. That’s the bottom line. When you argue for a pitch and they got to review it, that takes some time. Is that our fault? No. It’s their fault. But we still got to play the game.”

Actually, David, that’s exactly what’s going to happen. The game WILL speed up with these new rules. And you still can’t use instant replay to review balls and strikes, so you must be referring to your exasperating routine of constantly bitching about every call and trying to show up the umpires. When someone told Ortiz that the proposed fine for stepping out of the box is $500, he said this:

“Well, I might run out of money. I’m serious. I’m not going to change my game. I don’t care what they say. My game, it’s not like I go around and do all kinds of stupid shit. But I have to take my time and think about what that [pitcher] is going to do next. I’m pretty sure every single hitter at this level is on the same page. They put their rules together, but they don’t talk to us, as hitters, how do you feel about this? You know what I’m saying? Why don’t you come and ask questions first. And then we can get in an agreement. But then you got to do this just because you say so. Oh buddy, it doesn’t work that way. Trust me.”

Ortiz ending up poor and destitute? This blogger can only dream about that beautiful scenario becoming a reality. You do know that all these rule changes have been approved by the Players Association right, David. Commissioner Rob Manfred isn’t making this stuff up on a whim. But why let facts get in the way of a good argument? And finally, here’s my favorite quote from Ortiz about this new rule:

“This game has been going on 100 years. It’s the nature of the game. I don’t care who you are, you’re not going to change it. That is our nature. Pitch comes through, you come out of the box, you go back in it.”

You heard the man. We’ve got to stay true to the nature of our national pastime, because as everyone knows, we already had everything figured out 100 years ago. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Let’s get rid of black players, helmets, and designated hitters. What the hell was the MLB thinking with rule changes like that? But hey, at least they didn’t have dugout phones back then. We all know how much you hate those fancy contraptions, you loudmouthed prick.

via ESPN & FTW
cover pic: Black Sports Online

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *