Guy Does Molly & Coke, Steals Ambulance, Crashes It, Carries Wheat Thins, Gets Arrested, Jerks Off At Cops

Humor, News — November 7, 2014 at 1:10 pm by


If you want to hear about the wildest night in the history of wild nights, this guy’s your guy. 18-year-old Stefan Sortland, a Colorado State student, went to a Halloween concert, where he started popping molly and blowing coke. Emergency crews were on campus treating an intoxicated student for seizures, and when they came outside, their ambulance was gone.

This little fucker had stolen their ambulance, and they GPS traced it to the middle of a highway, where Stefan had basically opened all the doors and crashed the front end of the vehicle. Fluid was leaking from underneath. An officers believed he had “hit the raised median, jumped the curb, hit a sign, went the wrong way and crossed back over the median before stopping.”

They then found Stefan standing near the ambulance wearing an EMT vest. If that’s not a big fuck you to the emergency crew than I don’t know what is. Stealing and wrecking their ambulance is one thing, but then to take their gear and wear it is a whole different ball game. Icing on the cake.

After refusing commands, officers shot him with a stun gun. They said he had on him a blanket, a cell phone, and a box of Wheat Thins. Great decision not to go anywhere without his Wheat Thins. I know I don’t.

They dragged Stefan down to the station, where he began to stand on a bench and kick the wall. Oh yeah, then he started jerking off.

Why do all of these stories end with a guy jerking off? I guess when the mood’s right, the mood’s right.

Talk about a hell of a night though.

via The Denver Channel


  1. my type of guy lol

  2. Sounds like most of the friends I used to party with back in college

  3. This is the worst written story, ever.

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