Stone Cold, Five Star, Rocking Chair, Lead Pipe NFL Locks. Week 10.

Sports and Bets — November 14, 2015 at 10:01 am by

Week 10 and we’re rolling through the season like Steve Martin rolling through the Supermarket in My Blue Heaven;  owning the universe and picking up chicks capable of melting the frozen section.  Bingo, baby….

Babes (Season 9-13)

Putting all my eggs into one basket this week and backing the Packers.  Laying 10.5 points at home against the Lions, this angry Packer team wins this game by three touchdowns.  Aaron Rodgers is 37-17 ATS in his career against NFC North opponents, so this is a no brainier to me.

Zach (Season 13-14)

Titans +5 over Carolina- The Panthers have clearly shown they are for real, and the Titans are pretty much a joke. But Tennessee will have one more game living off the high of an interim coach stepping in (see the Miami Dolphins), and although Carolina is an elite team, they have played every game close. This is the definition of a potential let down game for the Panthers, after two tough games against the Colts and Packers. Titans cover, despite a Panthers victory.

Steelers -5.5 over Cleveland- Landry Jones is expected to start, so I don’t think the Steelers put up too many points, and although this isn’t the Steelers’ defense of old, I think they still have the right coaching to make Sunday a rough one for Johnny Manziel.I wouldn’t expect the Browns to score more than 13, so I think the Steelers can cover this one fairly easily.

Bengals -10.5 over Houston- Andy Dalton in prime time? Yep, I’ll take it, despite his history telling me otherwise. But this isn’t the same Andy Dalton, and the Bengals will have had 11 days to prepare for this one. Bengals blow out the Texans on Monday night.



Toby (Season: 15-12) After a brutal Week 8, I bounced back nicely with a 2-1 showing. Look out, bookies…

The Game: Carolina Panthers (-5) at Tennessee Titans
The Pick: Titans

This is a classic trap game for the Panthers. Teams that are out of division road favorites after playing three straight home games are 16-33 ATS (Bell). The Titans may have an ugly record, but I wholeheartedly believe that Marcus Mariota is the real deal. Tennesse is 4-2 ATS with Mariota under center, and I see no reason why they can’t be in this game until the bitter end. I probably would’ve gotten greedy and predicted an outright win for the Titans a few days ago, but then those morons cut Charlie Whitehurst. You gotta think that losing an elite head of hair like that is going to hurt clubhouse moral.

Charlie Whitehurst

The Game: Cleveland Browns at Pittsburgh Steelers (-5.5)
The Pick: Steelers

It’s looking like it’s going to be Johnny Manziel vs. Landry Jones in this one, but I don’t think it matters who the hell’s under center for either team, as the Steelers will be able to maul the Browns on the ground. Pittsburgh averages an NFL-best 5.1 ypc, while the Browns are 29th against the run (4.7 ypc). Cleveland just doesn’t win in Pittsburgh either, as they’ve lost their last 11 contests in that shithole of a city (Odds Shark). The Browns have lost their last three games by 14 points or more, and it looks to me that they’re in for a fourth straight ass-kicking. It’s yet another lost season for the Factory of Sadness.


The Game: New England Patriots (-7.5) at New York Giants
The Pick: Giants

I got burned going against the Patriots last week, but like a true hard-headed Polack, I’m going right back at ’em! The Pats have been getting a lot of comparisons to their historic 2007 team, which I feel is setting us up with a very favorable line. After starting the 2007 season 8-0 ATS, the Pats went 2-9 ATS down the stretch (Bell). I think that Vegas is already in the process of over-inflating New England’s spreads to avoid taking beatings from average Joe bettors. I also like that Tom Brady is 2-8 ATS the last 10 times he’s been a road favorite of a touchdown or more while Eli Manning has lead the Giants to a 35-25 ATS record as an underdog since 2007 (Bonesteel). Grab these points like they’re a pack of fire crackers and you’re JPP.



Seabass (Season 18-9-1 )

Another 2-1 week in Week 9 and things are looking good.  I’ve sprung the trap on my book and am cashing steady. But while the Wile E. Coyote money, or genius money, is flowing like the Gunpowder River in April, there’s always a feeling that things can go south real quick.  That means even more effort, more research, and more handicapping for the weeks ahead. Can’t sleep on this bitch, or bad things can happen……….

But there’s no fear here, babes.  Time to smash and cash with three big ones for Week 10.

Game: Patriots (-7.5) @ Giants        Pick: Patriots

Throwing down a touch and a hook on the long windy road usually isn’t a great strategy, and I know Tom “Crypt-keeper” Coughlin is 5-1 versus the cheaters, but I don’t give a shit.   The Patriots are going to destroy this bitterly mediocre Giants team.  Remember what Drew Breezy did to this secondary?  Well now it’s Brady’s turn, and the Pats have a good enough D to keep Eli in check.  This one might get out of hand early as all the past Super Bowl frustrations get vomited out on a perfect fall day in November.  Hook, schmook, I’m all over the Pats.



Game: Vikings @ Raiders (-3)      Pick: Raiders

The improved Vikings go out west to take on the improved Raiders in an interesting NFC/AFC clash.  The last time the Vikings went west they got mauled by the 49ers and while one doesn’t translate to the other, I’ll roll with the home squad here, especially if this line creeps to under 3.  Derek Carr is real folks and I have a feeling the black and silver beat the snot out of the Vikings and that asshole, Adrian Peterson.



Game:  Cardinals @ Seahawks (-3)   Pick: Cardinals

This three point line is representative of the home field advantage and that’s it.  The Cards getting a field goal is an automatic play, especially coming off of a bye week.  Huge game for both squads, and Seattle is Seattle at home.  But the Cards are better right now and they can win, and if they don’t it should be damn close.  Taking Arians, the Kangol, and the magic number.


Good luck to all!


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