Stone Cold, Five Star, Rocking Chair, Lead Pipe. NFL Locks. Book It, Babes. Week 2.

Sports and Bets — September 17, 2015 at 10:25 pm by

Week One is in the books and now it’s time to either keep digging that hole you’re in or press your winnings into the gut of your horrified bookie for more American dollars.  We hope your situation speaks to the latter scenario.  Here at the Wire, we went a combined 7-4, which puts us in the plus and ahead of that evil vigorish.  Ain’t gambling on football grand?

 

Babes (Season 1-1)

Broke even last week because I put some blind faith in Oakland – not a good idea.  My heart tells me that the Ravens will not cover the six points they are laying in Oakland this week, based off how bad the Ravens offense looked last week.  But my head is telling me to trust the numbers and lay the six on the Ravens.  John Harbaugh is 6-2 ATS as a road favorite coming off a loss.  Also Oakland is 8-30 ATS playing a losing team at home.  Even more staggering a number is the Ravens are 23-2 straight up under John Harbaugh as favorites coming off a loss.  I was really on the fence before, but I have to trust the numbers.

I also love the Bills at home this week to dispose of the Pats.  This is the biggest game for the Bills in fifteen years, and that crowd will be rabid on Sunday.  Throw in the fact that Rex Ryan knows how to go blow-for-blow with Bill Belicheat, and I’m confident laying some cash on the home Bills.

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I’m also gonna roll with the Pack laying three on Sunday night against the Hawks.  Without Kam Chancellor, a hindered Earl Thomas, and with Cary Williams not yet on the same page with this secondary yet, I think Rodgers finds great success spreading the ball all over the field.  I see a high scoring game that the Pack are better built to win this time of year.

 

Zach (Season 2-1)

I went 2-1 last week, and I’ll defend to the death my pick of the Bears. They didn’t cover, but it was still a good bet, it just didn’t quite work out. Anyone who picked the Packers last week is a moron, even though they covered the spread.
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Even Jordan missed a shot or two, so I figured I’d lose one or two along the way, also.  This week should be a solid 3-0, so here’s my picks.
New York Giants (-2.5) over Atlanta- Everyone saw the Falcons on Monday night, and now they’re all over the Julio Jones, Matt Ryan train. Bottom line is the Falcons are not a good team. This game won’t be played in the Georgia Dome on a Monday night. The Giants should be able to defend their home turf, and win by at least a field goal.
Rams (-3) over Washington- This one scares me because of how obvious it seems. I get it, the Rams are a road favorite, and usually I like to steer clear of these bets, but the bottom line is I think the Rams are a good team, and the Redskins are a really, really bad team. End of story.

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Lions (+3) over Minnesota- I don’t think the Lions are that good. But I also watched the Vikings play one of the worst games I’ve ever seen on Monday night, and now they’re favored by a field goal this week. And on top of the Vikings being downright awful with absolutely zero offensive production, they’re on a short week. This one feels like a no-brainer.
Toby  (Season 1-2)
Toby is on vacation.  Rumor has it that as a I write this, he’s knee deep in West Coast poon inside Hef’s Grotto. That may be the only thing better than gambling. But like a true man, between his scheduled motor boat and his afternoon box lunch at the Y, Toby took a few seconds to send us in his picks.
Rams (-3), Titans (-1), and Giants (-2) is all the message said…………
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 Seabass (Season 3-0)
 Oh, the absolute joy of the perfect opening week.  Home doggies were barking last week and I cashed.  Of course, bragging about it is utterly senseless, because the NFL is evil, and in order to combat this evil I must simply shut the fuck up and keep picking winners.  But obviously, I’m really fucking good at it, so I am not afraid.  Anyway, let’s back up the armored truck again this week.  Except this Tuesday, I want two strippers driving it and I would like a plate of cold-cuts to accompany the strippers and my money.  Women, cash, and cold-cuts.  Now that’s livin’, babes.
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Anyway, here’s Week Two….
Game : Falcons at Giants (-2.5)   Pick: Giants
Even though Zach was dumb enough to pick the Bears last week, I’m with him on the Giants this week.  The Falcons are fake and the Giants suck too.  But, the Giants are at home and they won’t be telling running backs not to score this week.  The G-men will regroup and they will be able to score on this Atlanta D.  I like a bit of a shoot-out here with the Giants pulling out a win.  (If the line goes past 3, I wouldn’t touch it with your money.)  BTW, do you think Tom Coughlin enjoyed coaching last week.  Good gads, man, retire already.
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Game: Bucs at Saints (-9.5)   Pick: Saints
Grab this before it gets to 10.  The Saints are going to dismantle the Bucs.  Look, I know it’s a lot of lumber to throw down, but Tampa looks awful and I personally think Jameis Winston will bust like Leaf and Akili.  Maybe the Bucs score a few on a Saints D that would have problems stopping Little Flower of the Immaculate Heart, but Drew Breezy will take care of that nonsense by putting up big numbers and over 30 points.  Lionel Richie is singing, “Hello Lovie, is it your Cover 2 Defense you’re looking for???????”
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Game: Lions at Vikings (-2.5)    Pick: Vikings
The Vikings looked like a big pile of steaming dog-shit last week, but so did the Lions defense that Haloti Ngata was touting early in training camp.  Philip “Punchable Face” Rivers, went nuts on the silver and blue, throwing for four hundreds of yards and multiple scores.  And the Lions were up 21-3 early in that one.  Now the poor bastards have to go on the road again to a division rival.  Not good.  Back to Bridgewater, Teddy looked terrible and he missed a lot of throws last week, but that hasn’t been how he’s carried himself so far in this league.  I look for a big bounce back from him and Adrian Beat-ur-son.  This is another game that you want to lock up before the number gets to three.
Good Luck to all, babes.
cover pic: dailymail

 

 

 

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