So Heavy-Handed, Yet Sooo Hilarious. Pats Get Whacked In The Stupidity That Is Deflate-Gate

Sports and Bets — May 11, 2015 at 10:33 pm by

The dumbest controversy in the history of sports has finally almost reached its end.  (Pending appeal, babes.) The sentence for deflate-gate was announced today and Roger Goodell was handing out punishment like he was handing out candy at Halloween.  Tom Brady was suspended for four games, the Patriots were fined $1 million, and New England lost its 2016 first round pick and its 2017 fourth round pick.

For the record, I hate the Patriots.  They win a lot in the AFC, which automatically qualifies them for my hatred, and they are one of the Ravens’ fiercest rivals, especially come playoff time, which double qualifies them for my hatred .  They’re also a bunch of arrogant pricks, who act like they’re above questioning and reproach.  And they’re a bunch of documented cheaters.


So when the accusation from the Colts filtered though all the leaky channels, nobody was surprised.  (If you want to torture yourself with a deflate gate timeline click here.) The Pats fuck around with the rules, that’s what they do.  They spy, they record, and they deflate- and then they try to act above the NFL law -that’s their shtick.  But Roger Goodell flipped that shtick on its ass, Steven Seagal style, with his heavy handed sentence this afternoon…..

And the Pats brought it all on themselves.  If Tom Brady would have just said that he liked his balls soft and that his equipment guys had gotten a little crazy after the balls were tested, a fine would have been levied and this thing might have gone away.  Instead Brady denied and denied, and refused to hand over his phone to the NFL death squads.  He talked about adversity and focusing on the Super Bowl, and in the meantime, he thwarted and ducked Goodell’s detectives with the grace of three-year-old with his hand in the cookie jar.  Brady looked guilty from jump street and the NFL threw a bunch of probables and circumstantials together to lay out a big penalty.  (Goodell definitely struck the Pats this hard for not cooperating more than for actually deflating footballs.)


This punishment, while absolutely hilarious, is also absolutely ridiculous. Guys hold every play, teams are still getting caught with stick-em on towels, teams are pumping crowd noise into stadiums, and kickers scuff smash footballs all game long. All teams bend the rules- and deflating footballs to give a QB his preferred feel on the ball seems like professional minutiae and gamesmanship more than it does cheating.  The player’s handling the rock, still gotta makes plays with the rock, and 1 psi probably doesn’t really mean much to that effect in the grand scheme of things.  Losing a first round pick for a psssss of air seems a bit out of whack to me, babes.

But the Pats didn’t man up.  They didn’t just suck it up and take it.  Instead they pointed fingers at each other and thought their arrogance would get them by.  But this time that arrogance bit-’em in the ass.  They’ll lose their QB for a minute or two and they lost that ever valuable, and coveted, first round draft pick.  Fuck ’em, you won’t see me or any other Raven fan cry over their jail term.

Just a thought, but maybe Tom Brady can study the rulebook while he serves his suspension.


cover: daniellemcginnis


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