Senior Citizen Crashed Car Into His Own Pool Because He’s Old As Shit

News — August 18, 2014 at 1:46 am by

Personally I plan on having someone murder me before I get to be old enough to where I’m driving my car into my pool. Why? Because being old sounds just plain fucking awful.


Some 85 year-old bag of bones who clearly has lost all control of his life crashed his car into his pool in Altadena, California on Saturday morning. This man told police that his flip-flop got caught on the pedal, causing his car to take him swimming. I’m not buying it. Either this guy was sipping back on a little of grandpa’s cough medicine, or he’s just too old to function. There’s no excuse to be made for being straight-up old as fuck, and this guy was trying to make one. Accept reality pops, your flip-flop didn’t cause you to crash, your deteriorating motor skills did. No one was in the pool at the time, and the driver was alone in the car before he managed to escape both the car and the pool unscathed.

This man sounds like the type of guy who can no longer wipe his own ass, let alone operate a vehicle. If you’re old enough to need assistance getting dressed in the morning, I don’t want you risking my life on the road. The fact that he crashed into the pool was a blessing to all of us, seeing that he probably would have killed a minivan full of children had he actually made it out on the street. Somebody get this man off the roads and into a retirement home where he belongs.


Sometimes, you are just too old…

via Huffington Post

One Comment

  1. I’ll buy the flip flop argument. He was spry enough to escape a sinking car.

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