I don’t know where this restaurant is located, but I will stop at nothing to find out. I’m Captain Ahab and this Macho Man promotion is my white whale. And when I find this eatery, you better believe I’m going to put on a fucking show. I’ll fling open the doors, bodyslam the first person I see, scream out, “OHHH YEAAHH, GIMME THE CAESAR SALAD!,” and finish the job with an elbow drop from a table. I’m coming for dat ass, mystery restaurant, and I’m bringing my own cream.