Ohio Woman Slits Her Husband’s Throat, Says She Was Dreaming Of Filleting Fish

Humor, News — July 31, 2014 at 7:32 pm by

Latest – An Ohio woman is behind bars after slitting her husband’s throat while he lay in bed asleep. According to the Jefferson County Sheriff, Judy Jones knew exactly what she was doing when she tried to kill her husband in their Dillonvale home over the weekend. “She made threats that she was going to kill him,” Sheriff Fred Abdalla said. “And she almost did early Saturday morning. So she’s been charged now with the prosecutor handling the case got her charged with felony 1s and 2 for attempted murder and aggravated assault.” Jones’ 16-year-old daughter – who may have saved her dad’s life by calling 911 – also told investigators that her mother had talked about killing her dad before and planned this attack for nearly a year.

I’m no criminal mastermind, but I’m pretty sure that you shouldn’t repeatedly talk about killing someone, before attempting to kill that person. It really makes it an open and shut case for the cops when that dude ends up with his throat slit from ear to ear. There’s no need to call up Bunk and McNulty to solve that one. The only thing that could possibly get Jones out of this is a world-class alibi, and thankfully for her, that’s exactly what Jones had.

fish

Jones, however, has a novel take on the whole thing. She initially claimed there was no malice involved at all. Instead, she told investigators she was simply dreaming about filleting a fish when she ‘accidentally’ grabbed a knife and used it to slash open her husband’s neck. The judge apparently didn’t buy the fish tale in court on Monday, though, and promptly ordered the would-be murderer to be held on $500,000 bail. Jones has since abandoned her fantastic tale and has decided to simply fess up to her crime.

Really? How can you not believe that perfectly logical excuse? Has this Judge even seen Step Brothers? People do all kinds of crazy, fucked up things while they are dreaming. Some people toss their dad down a flight of stairs, some people treat their husband’s throat like a largemouth bass. Shit happens. Quite frankly, her husband is lucky that things weren’t much worse. Imagine if she was dreaming about having sex? Woof.

judy

via Barstool

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