Money, Power, Respect. We Pick Week Two of The NFL

Featured, Sports and Bets — September 14, 2013 at 8:42 am by

 One and two is no way to start the football season, but that’s exactly what we all did last week as the NFL got underway.  Chode and Babes got burnt by giving 10 to the Bills at home and ol’ Seabass was stupid enough to bet on RG Knee and the notorious non-covering Redskins. All this losing means is that we’ll pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and gamble some more.  Chode has three picks for your entertainment, Seabass has four, and Babes has gone ape shit and decided to chase his losses by picking three against the spread, one total, and one teaser pleaser.  Like Chode says, “take it for what you will.”  Since Babes is more excited than A-Rod at a Tijuana drug store, we’ll let him go first.

Babes (Season 1-2)

I feel so great about my week 2 plays that I’m adding a can’t possibly miss three team tease that you can double the kids college fund with. Seriously, find a local bookie and tell him to surrender to you now and it will only cost him a dime.

My first lead pipe lock is the New Orleans Saints traveling to the Bay that is Tampa and laying four points. At first glance I liked Tampa, but looking at the numbers, which don’t lie, I changed my mind. TB is 8-21 ATS(against the spread) their last 30 at home, and 3-10 ATS as underdogs at home. They are coming off a tough road loss and are facing a Saints team that is riding high after a huge divisional win against the Falcons. Josh Freeman looks lost out there and will probably end up losing his job halfway into this season. On the other hand, New Orleans really seems to be taking to new defensive coordinator Rob Ryan’s system after holding a really good Atlanta offense to 17 points last week. I’ ll take dem Saints by 10.

 I also love, love, fucking love, Arizona at home this week to win outright at home against the Lions. The public is falling all over Detroit and Reggie Bush like Kim Kardashian falls all over a good-looking black celebrity. This is a prime example of a team being overrated in the public’s eye. Detroit made a lot of flash plays that looked good on Sportscenter and now they are 2.5 point favorites on the road. The last six times Detroit traveled to Arizona they have lost outright and lost against the spread. Detroit will find a way to fuck themselves with stupidity;  ie personal fouls or bad game management.

That’s love yo.

 Need more to convince you?  Detroit is 9-18 ATS in their last 27 against teams with losing records. Conversely Ariz is 18-8 ATS as either home dogs, or favorites of less than 3. Also, I think Arizona is a good team. Yes, they will probably end up finishing fourth in their division, but they will play good football and be around the seven or eight win mark. I expect a highly entertaining shoot out and I’ll trust the numbers and go with the home team.

 Third lock is Seattle. Take advantage of the smallest home line you will see all year in Seattle as it sits at 2.5. San Fran is really good, but Seattle will edge this one out. They are going for the Guinness Book record for crowd noise for crying out loud. Like them or not, they have the best home field advantage in football, and it will show Sunday night.

 My Sunday total of the week is the over in the Green Bay/ Washington game. Right now it sits at 50.5, and this is two of the top five scoring offenses from last year. Both secondaries are suspect, and both teams gave up a ton of yards and points last week. RGIII will have his shit together this week and will put up some points in this game, and of course Aaron Rodgers at home is a no brainer. 31-27 Packers, book it.

 The can’t possibly miss tease of the week is one you can bet next month’s mortgage on. Seriously, I’m guaranteeing it’s a winner. Three teamer, and you get ten points your way on all three plays. Take the Giants getting 15.5 at home against Denver, Seattle plus 7.5, and over 38 points in the NO/ TB game. If this tease misses, I will just come up with another can’t miss tease next week and pretend like I never lost last week.

Bet the ranch!

 When these plays go 4-0 or 3-1 and you’re looking to push Monday night, check back for my Monday night bailout parlay. Have a good weekend and remember, it’s only money and they’ ll print more tomorrow.

 

Chode (Season 1-2)

Miami @ Indy (-3)

 Chode’s Pick: Miami

 The Dolphins got it done for me last week when all my other picks fell apart. This week is a tougher test for the Fins but I’m sticking with them.

 Denver (-5.5) @ NYG

 Chode’s Pick: NYG

 Seabass called last Sunday night’s game right, I’ll give him that.   The Giants were no good in Dallas.This week though they are back at home, and I like Eli and Big Blue to upset older brother Peyton in the Manning bowl.

Eli

 San Diego @ Philly (-7.5)

Chode’s Pick: Philly

 The Chargers lost a close one last week, while the Eagles and Chip Kelly’s new offense got off to a hot start.  San Diego is going to travel cross-country only to get smacked around by the Eagles, who will cover the spread and then some at home this weekend.

Seabass (Season 1-2)

  While last week doesn’t exactly inspire confidence, it’s just a warm up.  Don’t be scared, little lost Bambi, this week we’ll get out of the woods.

Bet all my money on football? This doesn’t smell smart.

Titans +10 at Houston:  After watching the Titans beat the shit out of Pittsburgh last week, I’ll gladly take the 10 points.  I love physical teams, and Tennessee looks fast and mean on defense.  Maybe the Steelers just suck, but it’s still tough to go into Pittburgh and beat the Steelers at their own game.  Houston’s good, but I look for the Titans to keep it close.  Got balls?  Take Tennessee and the money line, the Titans are +350.

Lions at Arizona +2:  I gotta agree with Babes on this one.  Detroit on the road=trainwreck.  It’s tough for anyone to go to the desert and win, especially undisciplined, overrated teams who continuously beat themselves.  Maybe Ndamukong  Suh will kick somebody in the dick or Jim Schwartz will try to close line Larry Fitzgerald.  Disaster.  Take the points, home doggie.

 Jags +6 at Oakland:  I understand that the Raiders held their own against a playoff team last week, but Oakland shouldn’t be giving six points to Gilman, much less an NFL team.  Perez Hilton could be playing QB for the Jags and I’d still take the points.  MJD will have a good week and Chad Henne is better than the injured Blaine Gabbert anyway.

Boy that really is a tight end!

San Fran at Seattle -2.5:  Seattle goes on the road and barely beats the Panthers.  San Fran rings up a million yards on offense and beats a tough Packer team.  What does all that mean?  Nothing.  Carolina may be a lot better than people think and Green Bay’s defense blows.  The Seahawks are mean, fast, physical, and angry as shit.  For the first time in their history, I enjoy watching the Seahawks play.  Our boy Anquan will be shut down and I don’t think this one’s going to be close.  The Niners are walking into a hornet’s nest.  Seattle blew ’em out here last year, and they’ll do it again this year.

Good luck!

 

 

 

 

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