Money, Power, Respect. Time to Gamble On The NFL.

Entertainment, Sports and Bets — September 7, 2013 at 10:07 am by

 There is nothing more intoxicating than the lure of free money.  You know that’s right.  Who wouldn’t want to make a living plunking down thousands and earning tons of cash by betting on sports?  It’s every guy’s dream.  Until they realize it’s hard as shit to win.  Betting the NFL is a mine field of shitty refs, shady replays, blown coverages, and strange coaching decisions. The guys who do end up doing it for a living work real hard to get an edge.  It’s definitely a full time and stressful job.  That’s why we’re here to help you, the weekend warrior.  Of course we don’t really know what the hell we’re talking about either, but it’s a shit load of fun to pick and bet football games.  Agonize with us all season.  Chode, Babes, and Seabass  bet the NFL.  We each give you our favorite three plays of the week.  Like Chode says, ‘Take it for what you will.”  Here we go.

Chode: 

New England (-10) @ Buffalo-   I hate it say it Ravens fans but I gotta like Brady on the road to cover here. Brady will be Brady week 1, opposing a Bills team who will have their rookie top draft pick EJ  Manuel out of Florida State under center. Not today EJ, not today.

bets1

It could get Ugg-ly for the Bills

Miami @ Cleveland (-1.5) –  These two teams have struggled recently and they will both be looking to turn it around in 2013. Low spread and a close game. I like Dolphins’ new wide receiver Mike Wallace to make a big play that turns out to be the difference. We all know all too well how explosive Wallace can be.

NY Giants @ Dallas (-3)-  The Cowboys are always overrated and the Giants will prove this is true again.  And they’ll do it in front of 100,000 at newly named AT@T stadium.

Seabass:

Atlanta @ New Orleans (-3)-  Atlanta is on a mission and the Saints defense still sucks, I don’t care what anybody says.  The fact that this tough divisional road game is the opener is good for the Falcons.  Steven Jackson might rush for 150.  Sure it’ll be a close, back and forth shoot-out, but I will take, and I will make.

Philly @ Washington (-3.5)-  Another game in which a running back may push 150 yards.  Alfred Morris will shred the shitty Eagle D.  Chip Kelly’s fast break offense will get it’s debut, but it’s a wait and see approach before I start throwing money at the Birds.  The Eagle may get a lot of free yards though as the Washington defenders attempt to remove Riley Cooper’s head from his body.  It’s a game of kill the cracker babes.

NY Giants @ Dallas (-3)- Unlike the Chode, I think the Cowboys got this one.  Sean Lee is back and the Dallas defense will be better than you think.  The Giants might suck.  Jerry Jones’ plastic face will display it’s famous Skeletor smile as the Cowboys run it up on the G-men.

Plastic

Babes:

 It’s week one babes, time to cash in on the NFL!   I’ve  got three stone cold locks for you to take to the bank.  Seriously, you can start thinking about what your gonna blow your winnings on.

New England -9.5 over Buffalo:

Tom Brady owns the Bills.  Last year they averaged 44.5 points in two meetings with the Bills, and by the way this time they will be without two of their best defenders.  Stephon Gilmore their top cover corner, and Jairus Byrd their pro-bowl safety have both been ruled out.  The Pats will hang at least 42 on Buffalo.  Also look for New England’s defense to provide a lot of short fields for the offense by creating turnovers against whichever rookie QB gets the nod to start.  Belichik’s defense will eat them alive.  Pats roll-lock it up.

Atl / New Orleans over 54:

This game will be almost as high scoring as a Denver- Golden State NBA game!  Both offenses will move the ball at will on each others suspect defense.  The game is in New Orleans so you know their offense will be humming with the triumphant return of head coach Sean Peyton returning to the sidelines.  I expect both teams to put up thirty plus.  You’ll know this play is a winner mid third quarter.

Clev /Mia under 41.5:

Cleveland will be without their top playmaker in the passing game Josh Gordan, who is suspended for the first two games.  I think there new look offense, guided by Norv Turner, will be good eventually, but I’m predicting a bit of a slow start.  Same can be said for Miami’s offense, as they are trying to find their new identity.  With a significantly weaker offensive line I believe Ryan Tannyhill will be pressured early and often by Cleveland’s pass rush.  Mike Wallace is new to the Miami offense but he will be blanketed all day by Joe Haden.  I just don’t see either offense being able to sustain drives, so barring a crazy amount of turnovers, this game will be tight and low scoring.  I’ ll take the under and sleep like a twenty year old college student snoozing through an eight am class.

Sleeping Student

Snoozer

There you have it people three winners.  Don’t worry about sending me my cut of your bookie’s money, I would just blow it on booze and tickets to the next Dolly Parton/ Kenny Rodgers reunion show.

One Comment

  1. SO I’ll be betting the Saints, Eagles, Bills, and the over in the Browns game- thanks assholes!

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