Man Tried To Pay Tab With Rock, Bar Didn’t Accept, So Man Threatened To Blow Up Bar

Humor, News — February 23, 2015 at 5:48 pm by


Jared Simpson, 24, racked up a hefty bar tab at the 4th Quarter Bar & Grill in Tallahassee, Florida. When it came time for Simpson to square up his $10 tab, he tried to pay with a rock. Not a diamond, not a crack rock, not an autographed head shot of The Rock, just an everyday stone. Unsurprisingly, the bar did not accept this rock as a proper form of payment. This caused Simpson to throw a ripped up dollar bill at the bartender, and tell her that he “would pay [her] in other ways,” which is a real creepy fucking thing to say. Simpson left the bar and came back with a credit card, but the card was declined. This is when ol’ Jared decided to really ramp up his bizarre behavior a notch or two. From Gawker:

He then returned a third time, dressed in a grey suit and carrying a briefcase. He set the briefcase down, and carefully opened and closed it. According to a police report, he spoke “some unknown words that he identified as ‘tongues’,” and warned everyone in the bar that “anybody who goes near this [briefcase] will die.” Then he pulled out a phone or beeper, menacingly mashed some buttons, and ran across the street.

Even though he’d earlier been carrying crutches and telling stories about being “shot up in the war,” witness said they saw him “doing handstands” outside Jalisco’s. When police arrived, everyone was gathered outside the bar, away from the possible bomb. Simpson approached the crowd and the cops cuffed him. An officer asked what was in the briefcase, and a smiling Simpson replied, “maybe a bomb or a baby.” (It was neither, a bomb squad later determined.)

Simpson shut down any further questioning by singing a song about being a rainbow man and telling cops, “I am my own master. I answer to no one. No police have the right to ask questions.” While sitting in the back of the patrol car, he managed to remove three screws from his handcuffs and get his arms out from behind his back, but he couldn’t get entirely free of the cuffs.

Simpson was arrested and charged with bomb threats, a weapon of mass destruction hoax, petit theft, and disorderly conduct. His bond has been set at $30,500, but he has to take a psychiatric exam before being allowed to make bail. I’d say that’s definitely a wise move. Guess you’ll have to answer some questions after all, rainbow man.

via Gawker & Huffington Post
cover pic: Gawker

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