Joey Chestnut: A True American Hero

Featured, Sports and Bets — July 4, 2014 at 5:28 pm by


Joey Chestnut’s record-setting eighth straight Nathan’s hot dog eating contest victory puts him among American greats. After downing 61 dogs and buns at Coney Island, it’s safe to say he deserves a spot on the Mt. Rushmore of American Heroes. He consumed  23,790 calories in ten minutes, and for that his name gets put right next to fellow American heroes like George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Mr. T.


Prior to the competition, Chestnut performed the most romantic of all proposals, and got down on one knee and asked his girlfriend to marry him. She said yes. Why wouldn’t you marry this stud? If he hasn’t put on 300 pounds yet, he must have great genes. Plus, the Michael Jordan of hot dog eaters has a reported net worth of $800,000 (although I’d argue he should be worth much more), and he’s the man who took down American villain Kobayashi- a former contestant who has since been banned from the event.

I’d venture to say Mr. Chestnut can’t go on like this forever, but for now he’s about as American as apple pie and steroids. I couldn’t give two shits about the firefighters and middle school clarinet players walking down the street in the parade, because all I care about come Independence Day is Joey Chestnut.  And watching Will Smith save the world from aliens on repeat all day.


A very happy 4th of July to all, from this sassy lady


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