Jaguars Cornerback Got Real Liquored Up, Tried To Purchase Items With Bubble Gum

Humor, Sports and Bets — November 17, 2014 at 6:29 pm by

gratz

The beers must’ve been going real smooth for Dwayne Gratz this past Saturday night in Miami. At 5:53 a.m. Sunday morning, Gratz was arrested for disorderly intoxication and trespassing. The Florida Times-Union has the details of his wild night on the town.

According to the police report, officers entered a place of business on Collins Avenue and found an “intoxicated male causing a disturbance and refusing to leave the store.” A store employee told the two officers Gratz was trying to “buy” items with bubble gum instead of money. The report said the argument between Gratz and the store employee escalated and “was making store clients leave and disrupting the store’s business.” The employee then called the police. Once the officers arrived, they “observed [Gratz] with blood-shot eyes and the smell of alcohol. … [Gratz] was advised several times to leave the store. [Gratz] refused to leave and stated to officers, ‘No, I’m not leaving.’ The defendant was given one final chance and refused. The defendant was placed under arrest and transported … without incident.”

I’m just curious about what type of gum Gratz was trying to barter with. If it was that hard, cheap-ass Double Bubble, then they should lock his ass up and throw away the key. But if we’re talking about some Big League Chew, then I think he was being perfectly reasonable. I don’t care how expensive the goods were that he was trying to acquire, any store clerk that couldn’t work out a fair trade for some Big League Chew needs their taste buds and brain examined. That stuff is fucking outstanding. I also think that some Fruit Stripe would’ve been acceptable. If Home Alone 2 thought me anything, it’s that crazy pigeon ladies have hearts of gold and elite gums are a form of legal currency.

rob

via Uproxx &  The Florida Times-Union
cover pic: Big Cat Country
mug shot: The Florida Times-Union
Home Alone 2 pic: Becuo

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