I’m All In On This Guy Selling Energy Drinks Filled With Crystal Meth And Gasoline Out Of His Tree Fort

Humor, News — May 6, 2015 at 2:24 pm by

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Edit: Fake Story

72-year-old Jasper June, of Boone County, West Virginia was arrested on charges of making and selling his homemade energy drinks containing meth out of his tree fort. (A fucking tree fort, how great is this guy)? When police showed up, they found June wearing an adult diaper and browsing through an Arabic porno magazine. Police tested 25 bottles of his energy drink, each of which contained meth.

Police discovered June’s practice after several high school girls had to be hospitalized for internal bleeding after consuming the drinks.

This is what June had to say about the drinks:

“They’re just energy drinks like Rockstar or Monster. It’s not meth in there. It’s just lemonade, caffeine, sugar and a couple drops of gasoline. I swear to God I didn’t put meth in there.”

He then back tracked and went with this version:

“Okay, I put just a little meth in there to get them addicted and keep customers coming back. I know they’ll all testify against me so let me make something else clear: I pissed in every bottle.”



Well if there’s one thing we know, it’s that these energy drinks are gonna work. Nothing will get you jacked up like a little meth, gasoline, and human urine. Bottom line is when you buy a product, you want it to work. And if these little high school bitches want to run and be narks after purchasing a quality working energy drink for the bargain price of only 20 bucks, then I have no words. Plus, if you’re them, and you see this guy, selling this drink, and you still buy it, that’s on you.

I just love everything about Jasper June and his retail business. He read pornos in a foreign language while wearing his diaper, and when police ask about his product, he is adamant that there is no meth in there, only gasoline. And then when forced to confess, he throws a big fuck you in there and tells everyone these girls drank his piss too. Icing on the cake.

PS- How perfect is this guy’s name and where he’s from? Jasper June from Boone County, West Virginia selling meth out of his tree fort.



  1. GOD I love Maryland.

  2. Not all heroes wear capes.

  3. The drink must work, or why would so many high-school girls have had it – if the gentleman in the picture is the producer of the drink? It’s likely they were taking it for a while, until they had to go to the hospital.

    Just let the guy perfect the recipe. He can’t do that from prison, right?

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