Diary of a Madman: Maryland’s Rain Tax, The Farting Media, and You.

Featured, News — July 7, 2014 at 7:10 pm by

The Science of Stupid:  Maryland’s Rain Tax.

By Edgar Allan Joe

It has come to my attention that there is a “Rain Tax” for some of Maryland’s residents.  (I know, this tax has been debated for some time, but it just grabbed my attention.) The only reason this tax has recently crossed my narrow attention span is because I decided to mentally check back in after 10 years of being mentally away, so to speak.

First, Us and The Media

 But even in my ten year, mentally suspended, ignorant bliss, I could not help but notice the myriad of “news” publications that fart out their opinions like some sort of modern-day gospel.  To make matters worse, when I try to discuss issues, like the rain tax, with other folks, like clockwork the encounter dissolves and whoever I am speaking with becomes some butt-sniffing citizen who simply re-farts what they heard on the morning news. The worst part of this is that they deliver their sniveling sentences to me as if they were created from their own perspective.   People truly want to believe that what they are parroting was critically deduced by their own intelligence, but what they are really doing is regurgitating old line ideas and joining into the herd mentality. Mis-information becomes fact and gets passed on through generations.  By mass-media design, the person who believes they are solidifying his or her own intelligence by speaking the “facts”, is simply, and perhaps unknowingly, dispensing copies of the mass-media’s vetted “knowledge” to the younger and more impressionable minds.

 As a youth, I was guilty of this, believing that the person that came before me was wiser and that I should show respect by accepting all knowledge that they bestowed on me as if it were an unquestionable truth that should not be contested; that thought process is bullshit in a lot of ways.  Now, as I grow older, these past generations are forced to treat me as a peer in social settings, therefore changing their perspective of me from subordinate trash receptacle to a peer.  That is when that window of time opens to a hidden reality that shows the wiser person that came before is actually a victim of the mass-media and therefore mentally handicapped, because the thoughts that they possess are not really their own. Suddenly, the wealth of knowledge that they so graciously passed to us becomes false information.  Oh, if only it was still vaIid! We could use these fallacies to start a unicorn farm, trade the stock market for millions, or hunt Sasquatch for a living.  But the best and truer case scenario is that you’ve already used this knowledge to acquire a big house, a stepford wife you can throw some D’s on, and a fun filled weekend in O.C. once a year.  More importantly, be sure to pop out some booger factories that we call kids, as to offset the new taxes that the people “smarter “than us in congress create.


Which Bring us To The Rain Tax

The Rain tax is a product of our own laziness. We have all chosen to suspend logic at one point or another, but if we suspend logic at critical moments, then what we are doing is letting another person take control of our views and thoughts and making them their own. Without missing a beat, the thoughts that were once your own are placed back into your head with such distortion, that you have no other option than believing that you created them yourself. By the time you figure it out it’s too late, you would rather project empty intelligence to your peers than accept the fact you haven’t a clue about what is really going on.  This is turn makes us angry, so instead of teaching ourselves how to fix a problem, we cluck like a bunch of chickens to each other about how the Bay is polluted and how our lawmakers need to fix it.  So our lawmakers, who we vote in, tax us as a solution.  This is our fault.  First we vote them in without consequence and then we simply accept taxation as a solution.   What we should be doing instead is finding out the real root of the pollution problem in order to argue with our lawmakers intelligently.   We should also vote many of these tax makers out, something that is rarely done in this one-party controlled state.

My Conclusion

I researched the Rain Tax, and why it is being issued, in my spare time. This spare time is usually reserved for mindless activities such as thinking about boobs or picking my nose.  With 20 minutes of research I was able to deduce that the money raised from the rain tax will be spent on overpriced water treatment facilities to reduce nitrates and phosphoric levels in the bay.  Cue the bullshit meter. Even a child understands the concept of starting at the origin of the problem in order to fix it.  In the time that it takes to conjure a new set of boobs, I researched the origins of excess nitrates and phosphorus. Fertilization, sewage runoff and power plants are the largest contributing factors to this problem.  Let’s start fixing it there. There are no significant regulations in place to stop the 75-year-old idiot up the street from me from using 12 bags of fertilizer a month in-between his militant grasscutting schedule of 3-days-a -week so that his lawn is a lush green color. Nor are their conditions in place in regards to the old farmer upstate that’s spreading manure and fertilizer with a 30% success rate of soil penetration. That leftover 70% washes into the local estuary and mainlines itself into the eco-system.  The solution is not to tax the residents who live around the Bay to help clean up something that they are not polluting.  The solution to reducing pollution in the Bay is to regulate those who are creating the most nitrates in the first place.

In closing, I must resort to a temporary defense. I am not a hippie that bathes in Petchuli and makes sexy time with Mother Earth during a jam session.  I’m just some dude with a computer that has to stop for a second every morning to make sure he is putting his pants on right.  If there is one thing to take from the 5 minutes you just wasted on reading this, it’s that at the very least understand that what knowledge you are allowing into your mind is just another polished turd, probably absent of logic, and usually justified by the social status of the asshole delivering it to you. Accept the fact that if you do  not look at every possible angle and dig farther than what you think is possible, then your brain is filled with useless knowledge that was literally farted out of an idiot’s face

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *