Delaware Man Arrested For Masturbating Naked In His Backyard

Humor, News — July 10, 2014 at 5:24 pm by

Huffington Post – A man in Dover, Delaware, is facing indecent exposure charges after allegedly masturbating while naked in his backyard. Gregory N. Kotzar, 56, was arrested Tuesday morning after several female employees of a nearby dental office told police they saw him walking around his backyard naked and masturbating, according to CBS Philadelphia.

While I absolutely do not condone this type of behavior, I will say that I can understand Greg’s thought process. Everything is more fun to do outside when the weather is nice. Drinking? That’s a given. Cooking? Let’s put another shrimp on the barbie. Listening to music? Fuck yeah, crank up the Skynyrd. So Greg was probably thinking, “Hey, jerking off is great and warm weather is great. Let’s combine the two and see what happens.” That line of thinking worked wonders with chocolate and peanut butter. But unfortunately for Greg, being bare-assed and going to town on himself didn’t have that same public appeal. Back to the drawing board, chief.

reese

Investigators said the employees were able to identify Kotzar by name because he had left a business card at the office a few months earlier, Delaware Online reports. Delaware State Police spokesman Master Cpl. Gary Fournier told the Dover Post that Kotzar allegedly did the same thing on June 30.

Now you’ve lost me, Greg. I thought that this was experimenting in the name of science, but now it seems like you’re a huge creep that was just asking to get caught. Handing out business cards with your real name? Not only is that idiotic, but what a missed joke opportunity. That situation was begging for a Jack Meoff gag. And this is the second time within two weeks? Come on, Greg if you play with fire, you get burned. Or maybe, if you play with yourself, you go to the slammer.

At least it looks like he was able to finish before police arrived. That is one relaxed looking motherfucker. He probably had such a powerful ejac that it cleared the house and landed in his front yard.

greg

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