Coolest Porpoise Ever Died From Too Much Banging

Outdoors — November 13, 2014 at 5:05 pm by

purpoise

Earlier this month, a five-foot long 110 pound porpoise was found dead in an alleyway in Tarring, West Sussex. Experts believe that this stud died from spending too much energy fucking porpoise babes. Rob Deaville, from the Cetacean Strandings Investigation Programme, told The Argus that,“The cause of death seems to be starvation and hypothermia.This appears to be an elderly porpoise, which would have had to expend most of his energy reserves to mate – leaving him deathly hungry and cold.”

Deaville believes that the porpoise ended up in an alleyway a mile away from sea because of drunken assholes. He thinks that the porpoise washed up on the beach, and some pricks thought that it’d be amusing to carry him into town. What an awful thing to do. This elite cocksmith definitely deserved a more respectful resting place.

While it’s sad that this beautiful creature passed away, you gotta love this dude’s commitment to banging. Fuck hunting for food. This guy just wanted to lay in porpoise trim all day long. My man went out on his own terms, and that’s a beautiful way to go. Goodnight, sweet prince. Enjoy the big orgy in the sky.

via Gawker & The Argus
cover pic: I Don’t Sea The Porpoise In This

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