Connecticut Man Busted For Having Sex With Bush

Humor, News — July 29, 2015 at 7:08 pm by

81-year-old Wallace Berg of Stratford, Connecticut decided to become one with nature in the grossest way possible. This past Monday, a neighbor witnessed a completely naked Berg going to town on a bush in his yard.

When the neighbor confronted him — as anyone would do upon seeing a strange, naked man sexing his shrubbery — Berg reportedly “stopped the indecent behavior, covered himself with a grill cover, apologized to him and then went into the house,” police told the Connecticut Post. The neighbor had taken some video of the bush-league behavior and gave it to cops, who charged Berg with public indecency and breach of peace. He was released after posting a $10,000 bond (The Huffington Post).

As much as I want to call this guy a huge creep, I kinda feel bad for this old, crazy son of a bitch. If you’re 81 years old and you’re still capable of fucking, you should be able to do whatever the hell you want on your property. Fuck a bush, stick your dick in a hammock, it should all be fair game. Ratting Berg out to the cops was a huge dickhead move by his neighbor. Any decent, non-prude neighbor would have accepted Berg’s apology and moved on. Just close your blinds and let the man live. Fuck that bush, Berg!

via The Huffington Post
cover pic: Universal Pictures

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