Complete Puss Sues Vegas Casino After Losing 500K While Blackout Drunk

Featured, News — March 5, 2014 at 9:52 pm by

A guy named Mark Johnston from Ventura, California is suing the Downtown Grand in Las Vegas because he got blackout drunk and lost $500,000 playing blackjack and pai-gow poker.  He is saying the casino kept giving him markers and letting him gamble despite the fact that he was hammered.

This fucking guy.  Isn’t this part of the deal when you fly out to Vegas?  Why in the hell do you think they give out free booze?  So you’ll make calculating and rational decisions?  No windows, no clocks, blinking lights, and hot ass chicks walking around with free alcohol;  everything in a casino is designed to divert your attention away from the fact that you’re throwing your money into a black hole pit of “entertainment”.  It’s the risk you take, it’s all part of the deal.  The minute you walk into a casino you sign a mental contract with them.  It’s simple, they provide any legal vice available and you take in as much of that vice as you can stand.  If that means you black out and lose, well then that’s on you, babes.

I am proud to say that I’ve blacked out and lost money in Vegas plenty of times;  and I’ve never sued.  Was it $500k?  Fuck no, but it’s all relative.  This is an actual conversation (or parts of one) at the Mirage in Las Vegas at 4 a.m.after about 30 drinks on a Tuesday night.  I was shit canned, but obviously not blacked out.

Lady Dealer (In Chinese accent):  Uh, oh, you lose again.

Me: Ugh

Another hand is dealt.

Lady Dealer:  Sorry mister, but somebody got to feed the tigers.

Me:  Great

Another hand is dealt.

Lady Dealer:  You not very good at this game.  Tigers not hungry when you here.

Me:  Just deal the fucking cards, and don’t mention the goddamn tigers again.

Lady Dealer:  You drunk, you should go to bed now!

Me:  Deal dammit.

Another hand is dealt.

Lady Dealer:  Told you that you no good.  Wake up, get off table!

Me: What?

Pit Boss:  Sir, I think it’s time you went up to your room.

Me:  Fuck this shit.  This game sucks (I went up to my room)

So what if I lost $1,100 playing freakin’ War at four in the morning after 30 drinks?  I didn’t wake up and try to sue the fucking Mirage.  I woke up at noon, threw up, ate some breakfast and hit the craps tables to try and get my cake back.  That’s what men do.


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