CCW Blotter and Reward: The Chode Gets Beamed With Big Gulp While Training For Chug Chicken Chug 2.

Humor, News — September 24, 2014 at 6:59 am by

Our now famed writer, The Chode, was got by a flying Big Gulp on Monday night as he jogged down Harford Road.  Information leading to his assailants would be appreciated and there is a reward.  Here is Chode’s harrowing account of the incident….

Monday evening, around 6:30, I’m taking a jog down Harford Road in Parkville trying to keep my fitness up as the 2nd Annual Chug Chicken Chug Spring will be here before we know it. (Training isn’t all just eating chicken wings) So, as I am taking this so called jog at a leisurely pace, out of no where I get beamed in the back by something very cold and very wet . It happened so quickly that it took me a few seconds to figure what had just gone down……I got beamed with a god damn Big Gulp filled to the brim.


At first I thought this was some sort of weird coincidence; that someone was tossing something out there window and it just happened to just land on me. Then I surveyed the scene in full. The Big Gulp Cup was laying on the ground, ice cubes everywhere, the impact site of which had been an invisible bullseye on my back, and there were a couple of young punks pulling away in a green truck.  It was then that I realized that I had got got. I tried to turn on the jets and catch the little pricks, but I’m not exactly Usain Bolt. The bottom line is this: I’m pissed if these culprits are grown men. If they are then they’re just worthless A- Holes. But from the looks of it, they were a couple of 16 year old kids out messing around in their brand new, to them, 1991  Ford mini- Truck. If that’s the case, then well played and good shot boys. But when I was that age, my weapon of choice was always the old fashioned egg. I mean who wastes a perfectly good Big Gulp????

chode calm keep

Editor’s note: Any information that leads to an arrest will lead to the following reward:  A Keep Calm and Crush on Tee, a pack of Newport 100’s,  40 0z. of Old English, and Kiko Garcia’s game worn hat from the 1979 World Series.)


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