Baltimorean Versus ISIS

News — February 25, 2015 at 8:24 pm by

Dear Isis,

I’m going to be honest with you guys here, you have been acting like real dickheads. Public executions, sex trafficking, and beastiality are not the best PR moves. The whole world is in agreement, we can maybe get over the whole beastiality thing, but the beheadings, not so much. This letter, though critical, is also informative. In fact, I would like to inform you that there is now a Baltimorean lurking close by that disagrees with all of your actions. Look, I wish I could say he comes bearing Natty Boh, Berger Cookies and a couple of Ray Lewis Jerseys, but I’m afraid it’s the opposite. Now it’s unconfirmed, but I heard he might have picked up some heavy artillery near Paca Street downtown before he left. Just a friendy heads up.

From Baltimore with love.

This is the letter I wrote last week to ISIS when I heard that one of B-More’s own decided to go get into a fight. Mathew VanDyke, a Baltimorean, documentarian, and freedom fighter tweeted out last week that he is in Iraq and he is helping to raise an army. Before we go any further I would like to refer to Mr. VanDkye as Mr. VanBadass. It seems Mr. Van Badass is no stranger to danger. He was taken prisoner while fighting with a rebel faction against Libyan leader Moammar Gaddafi. He gained his 007 status soon after he escaped solitary confinement in a Tripoli prison. After that, it was back to the daily grind, he moved to Syria and joined with the rebels fighting the Assad regime. You would think by now he would have enough cool stories to tell, not to mention all of his limbs, so why not quit while he’s ahead!  Not Mr Van Badass. That was all just an opening act. It’s now time for the main event.

He wet his appetite by helping some Iraqi Christian refugees that were displaced due to Islamic insurgence. Now with a full tank of badass to burn, Mr. VanDyke decided to help

raise and train a 2000 man army to fight ISIS. His company, “Sons of liberty International”, equips vulnerable populations with military training and consulting to combat surrounding threats such as ISIS. Now here is the kicker, he has no ties to any US military forces. He is just a dude that is fed up with idiot politicians. While congressman are tapping their feet in bathroom stalls looking for glory holes, Matty Van Badass is crackin’ ISIS skulls for stepping out of line. Bravo American badass, Bravo.

That being said, this is a link in a chain of unfortunate events that will never end. History tells us, as long as there is more than one ideology there will be war.  Though I do not believe in religion, I can grant respect when it is deserved.  Matty Van Badass isn’t  just talking about it, he is being about it ( I’m pretty sure it was the Baltimore in him ). Far to many talk about solutions but are unwilling to do what it takes to back it up.  Starting War might not be the answer, but it’s an effort to try to resolve an issue and to protect people in need.  Matty Van Badass went to war last week, what did you do?

(I pulled a hammy shoveling snow, doctor said no war for me for at least 3-4 months.)

blog by: JK

cover: enduringamerica

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