Baltimore To Double Rat Patrol. That Will Kill More Rats, But I Hope They Miss Just One.

Entertainment, News — November 19, 2014 at 10:18 pm by

Rats, babes. They are all over Baltimore.  And no, this ain’t no stop snitching blog, Carmelo, we’re talking about the real thing.  If you’ve ever lived or worked in Baltimore, you know they are there, living in holes and sewers all over the city.  Rats are gross for sure, and they spread diseases like the bubonic plague, so it’s definitely a good idea to exterminate them with extreme prejudice.  According to multiple sources, including the Baltimore Sun, the City is doubling its efforts to kill as many if these vermin as possible.  The “Rat Rubout” program is expanding from 8 to 15 workers, and that will allow the City to patrol its 12,250 alleys once every 20 days for rat hide-outs.  (That comes out to each worker patrolling 40 alleys a day for 7 days a week.)  The workers look for rat holes and possible rat nests and then poison the hell out of ’em. It’s gotta be tough work, and the truth is that it’s a never-ending job.  There’s no way to kill all the rats- but I guess you’ve got to try and contain them.

 

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Personally, I’ve seen many a rat while wandering the streets of B-Town.  They never really bothered me- except once.  I was leaving a party in Canton- it was real late, like around 3 a.m., and it was in the dead of winter too, because I remember it being real cold.  Anyway, I was tired as hell and ready to go home.  But standing between me and my luxury vehicle, on its haunches and just roughly two feet from my car door, was the biggest rat I have ever seen.  Just chillin’, right in the middle of Ellwood Avenue.  This dude was a foot and a half long if he was an inch, I tell ya. I had heard people say before that they had seen rats as big as cats and dogs, but I had never believed them until this moment.  This massive fucker was the creepiest thing I had ever seen.  I just stood there in the middle of the street and we stared at each other.  There was really nothing else to do- I sure as hell wasn’t going to approach him or mess with him.  Finally, after what seemed like hours, but in reality was probably just a few minutes, a car came down Ellwood.  The rat grudgingly went down on all fours and sauntered off the street as the headlights approached him. There certainly was no panic in him as he headed for the nearest alley.

As I got into my car my mind raced with questions.  “Where did it go?”  “Where does something that massive live?”  “How old was it?”  I knew I would never know the answers.  The weird part was that I actually felt a wave of respect come over me for the big rat-bastard.  He didn’t back down, he showed no skittish fear- Ellwood was his avenue, bruh.  Sure, he was a disgusting, bubonic-plague carrying, trash eating, hideous rodent/vermin- but he carried himself proper in the streets.  Anybody can respect that, especially in our tough town. I guess one can only wonder how long he lasted on the streets of Canton after our run-in.  I just hope if he’s still around the Rat Rubout misses him.

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cover: atomicbooks

One Comment

  1. Only in Baltimore would someone get nostalgic over a rat. Sebass- you’re officially a dirtball loser.

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