Amityville Horror Offseason Continues For Orioles.

Featured, Sports and Bets — December 20, 2013 at 5:00 pm by

Ever see the movie The Amityville Horror? A family moves into this real nice house where a bunch of murders took place and then all this crazy and spooky crap happens.  Ooze comes down the walls, demons appear in fireplaces, noises are heard in the middle of the night, and voices yell “get out’ at the new residents. I wonder what evil happened on the grounds of OPACY, because this is what the Orioles are, Major League Baseball’s Amityville Horror.  They live in the nicest house in baseball, but all this bad crap seems to happen.  Sure, they’ve won for a couple of years now, but why is there this impending feeling of doom surrounding the warehouse this year?  It’s because deep in our dark Baltimore hearts, we know that they’ll screw it up.  We know that somehow the Orioles will cheap themselves out of contention.  Which brings us to the Grant Balfour rescinded contract.  According to the Orioles’ doctors, Balfour has some sort of health issue which is allowing the Orioles to void their own contract offer.  Supposedly it’s a shoulder problem.  Why does this stink?  It stinks because the Orioles’ doctors are known for being extremely stringent.  If it’s something serious, fine don’t sign him, but if it’s normal wear and tear and the Birds are being overly cautious, well that would be typical wouldn’t it?  I mean realistically, what 36-year-old pitcher doesn’t have some sort of wear and tear on their shoulder?  The Orioles pulled this crap with Aaron Sele back in 2000, saying he had some sort of arm or shoulder issue.  The Birds backed out of his contract and Sele went on to win 32 games over the next two seasons with the Mariners.  I can envision Balfour saving 40 for the Yankees this year, can’t you?

Meanwhile, Troy Patton was handed a 25 game suspension today for testing positive for amphetamines.  Awesome.  What the hell is he doing in his free time, cooking with Walter White?  Just what we need, one of our two lefties in the bullpen missing 15% of the season.  Ice, meth, greenies, E, speed, bunnies, pep pills, or uppers, whatever Patton’s rockin’, it’s costing his squad.  I know it’s a long season, but just develop a coffee habit or chug some Red Bull or 5 Hour Energy, leave the illegal shit in da club.

So stay tuned O’s fans.  With Manny Muchado hurt, drug suspensions flying around, failed physicals, and a front office that is signing exactly no one, it’s shaping up to be an off-season horror story made for Hollywood.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *