Absolute, Stone-Cold NFL Locks. Week Two: Beat The Bookie

Featured, Sports and Bets — September 12, 2014 at 9:17 pm by

Week two.  It’s time to take it to your book.  Now that we’ve seen everybody play it’s time to get serious.  Why not beat the man for a change; he sure as shit has been taking it to you for years with juice, vig, and hooks.

Of course if you lose your ass off like most, don’t borrow money from the loan sharks to pay your debts.  It never works out well.  Just ask Morrie….

But enough of that. There’s road favorites, shitty defenses, and fake week one champions to beat.  Let’s go get ’em.

Remember, take these for what you will…….

The Chode (Season 1-1)

1. New Orleans @ Cleveland   1 PM

Line: New Orleans -6.5

Chode’s Pick: Browns

Cleveland lost by a field goal last week and Atlanta won by a field goal last Sunday. That probably doesn’t really mean much, but the Browns will keep this one close at home. I am not saying it will be Cleveland straight up, but another field goal loss sounds about right. It doesn’t matter who wins or losses, only who covers.

2. Seattle @ San Diego  4:05 PM

Line: Seattle -6

Chodes Pick: San Diego

san d

Seattle looked great in their opening game against Green Bay. But that was at home, where the Seahawks have been historically a lot better.  San Diego needs a win at home this weekend to avoid an 0-2 start, and I think Phillip Rivers and company step up and deliver a much better performance than last Monday night’s disaster.

Babes  (Season: 2-2)

A slow start for myself last week, going 2-2.  Week one is always a crap shoot, so I’m not discouraged. I love three games this weekend that will surely cash.

Detroit (+3) at Carolina
Teams coming off a Monday Night blowout victory of more then 20 points are 29-9 ATS the following week since 2005.  That’s a very interesting argument in the Lions favor as they travel to Carolina getting a field goal.  Cam Newton has vowed to play, but you know he’s gonna be rusty and a bit gun-shy with those tender ribs.  I like the Lions to win this one outright.
NE (-3.5) at Minnesota.

luck cam
I like the Pats in their second consecutive road game to come out on top over Minnesota.  The numbers are in favor of the Pats, as Tom Brady is 22-10 ATS off of a loss, and 6-2 ATS as a road favorite coming off of a loss.  Bill Belichick is 7-2 ATS as a favorite in his second consecutive road game.  The Pats will pull it together and defeat the upstart Vikings.

luck brady

Eagles at Colts (-3)
On Monday night I’m taking the Colts all the way.  Andrew Luck is 9-0 ATS coming off a loss.  That’s a pretty impressive streak that I believe will continue.  The Colts will not allow themselves to drop two games to start the season.  Throw in the fact that this is Andrew Luck’s first home Monday Night game, and it all adds up to Luck and the Colts winning convincingly.



Seabass (Season 2-1)

Last week I would have started the year undefeated if the stupid Jaguars could have held onto a shred of pride after losing a 17-0 lead and then collapsing like a cheap chair in the fourth quarter up in Philly.  Instead they attempt a 55 yard field goal instead of going for a makeable fourth down (They missed the field goal.) and then they leave Jeremy Maclin more wide open than Houston after her Houston 500.  (Sickos know that reference.)  But why complain?  Hitting 66% is still beating the Juice like Newton.  (You’re old if you get that reference.)

Rockin’ jam there, babes.

But back to the gridiron.  I’ve got three this week.  Hope I can keep up that 66% but 3-0 would get me extremely excited.

Ron Swanson is excited

1.  Miami (-1) at Buffalo-  I like Buffalo here. This line has moved and currently sits at the Dolphins (-1).  If it goes back to even, I still like the Bills, I think they win a close one at home.  Miami may be the better overall team but the Bills played well at home and should do so again against one of their most bitter rivals.  Buffalo 2-0?  Yessir.

Jacksonville at Washington (-6.5)  The Jags start their season with two games on the road in the NFC East.  I’ll play sucker and take the points again.  Almost a TD seems like a lot for a team that got beat by Ryan Fitzpatrick and a team that was 2-14 last season.  If you take you will make.

New England (-3) at Minnesota-  This line stinks to high heaven.  The Pats are the public’s gambling darling and they are only giving three to the upstart Vikings?  Please.  Everyone and their mother is going to jump the Pats, so I’ll go opposite and take the more talented than you think Vikings.

Good Luck!

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