Absolute, Stone Cold Locks. Week 5: Don’t Buy Anything. And If You Did, Take it Back.

Featured, Sports and Bets — October 3, 2014 at 10:37 pm by

It’s now week five in the NFL.  We are officially knee-deep into this gambling shit and The Chode and Seabass are starting to earn their keep.  Chode rolled out a perfect 2-0 last week to raise his season total to 6-2 and Seabass went 2-1 in week four to up his overall record to 8-5.  But even with dough coming in, you gotta maintain.  You can’t get all crazy and start buying up luxury items and start taking all your hoes out to expensive dinners and shit.  You gotta keep that bankroll close to the vest.  Because while confidence may be high, it is only week five, there’s plenty of season left for handicapping problems.  That bankroll’s gotta survive a dry spell.  Not to mention, if go buying flashy items the cops and the IRS are gonna wonder where you got all that cash money from, homeboy.

So Chode, take that pink Cadillac back like Jimmy “The Gent” says……


Meanwhile, Babes is floundering.  He posted a big fat goose egg last week to run his record to 5-8.  But Babes doesn’t care if he takes a beating, because as he sees it, everybody takes a beating some time….

Now back to this week.  It’s time to press the issue.  We start, as always, with the illustrious Chode.


The Chode (Season 6-2)

Pittsburgh @ Jacksonville

Line: Pitt -6.5

Chode’s Pick: Jags

At 0-4, and looking very bad doing it, its hard to imagine why I would take the Jaguars. Pittsburgh lost to a really bad Tampa team in Pitt last Sunday, and I’m not putting anything past the Steelers at this point. Jags find a way cover at home.  If they could win outright that would be a double bonus for Ravens’ fans.

2. Cleveland @ Tennessee

Line:  Tennessee -1

Chode’s Pick: Titans

After beating Kansas City on the road (who just smoked the Patriots) the Titans then lost to Dallas, Cincinnati, and Indianapolis. Those are some pretty good football teams. I am not buying that the one win Browns are going to go on the road and beat Tennessee this weekend. With a line this small we  basically just need a W, and the Titans are going to deliver it.


Seabass (Season 8-5)

This week I go back to the old school, as in smash-mouth football.  All of this pretty air-it-up offense bores the shit outta me.  I’ll take a well blocked 24 Dive that pops for twenty, over a shotgun formation five-wide-can’t-touch-the-receiver play for the same yardage.  While this tough offensive identity is less in vogue these days due to favorable passing rules and spread offenses, some teams still feed off of the run and the physical domination that goes along with it.  We salute these teams this week by throwing cash at them.

BTW after watching them get throttled by the Pack last week, I no longer believe in those damn Bears…


Ravens at Colts (-3.5)-  Andrew Luck is playing out of his mind.  He leads the NFL with 13 TDs and is living up to the hype that made him the number one overall draft choice a few years back.  But shitting all over the Titans and the Jags doesn’t impress me that much.  The Colts can be run on, they’re soft, and that’s exactly what the Ravens are going to do.  Run the ball.  That’ll keep Luck off the field.  Even if the Ravens lose, it’ll be close.  3.5 is a gift, take it.

Bengals (-1) at New England–   Again, I hate laying any points on the road. but the Pats just aren’t playing well right now.  The Bengals are coming off of a bye and may be the best team in the AFC.  They are coming into town ready to make a statement and are allowing a mere 11 points per game.  Plus, their offense runs through the multi-talented Giovanni Bernard.  That doesn’t bode well for a Patsy team that got gashed by the Chiefs last week. The Bengals are just better.

Arizona at Denver (-7.5)-  Ok, so maybe the Cards aren’t the poster children for running the football, but they will be this week.  The Broncos are susceptible to the run and the Cards and Andre Ellington will take advantage.  Ellington will be healthy after the bye and besides, that Arizona D is strong enough to keep this manageable.  A winnable game for the Cards in Denver and they are getting over a touch.  Definitely.


Babes (Season 5-8)

Babes texted his picks in without writing up his reasons.  I guess 5-8 doesn’t need a reason.

Chicago +2.5

Jacksonville +6 (again with this)

San Fran -5

Oddly enough, these are the three teams he went 0-3 with last week.  Babes is hunting rabbits with an elephant gun and taking a beating for doing so….








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