5 Takeaways and a Recommendation: Don Jon

Entertainment, Featured — September 30, 2013 at 12:52 pm by

1. Where the fuck has Tony Danza been and why wasn’t he in the Sopranos? As the Jersey/Italian father of Joseph Gordon Levitt’s character, Danza was unbelievable. From screaming at his son, to leering at Scarlett Johansson’s meat pillows, to sitting at Sunday dinner in his wife beater and ignoring everyone while watching football, Danza  nearly stole the entire movie. I want more of this guy. In a cinematic sense of course.


2.  Joseph Gordon Levitt likes masturbating. Seriously. The dude pretty much wrote an entire one hour and forty minute movie about it. Sure there is some comedy, and the entire point of the movie is to satire society’s expectations when it comes to relationships, but the bottom line is this movie is an ode to jerking it and JGL (fuck if I’m typing his full name every god damn time) writes and directs it like a love letter. That guy must have some calloused palms.

3. The exposed breast quotient in this movie is disappointingly low. Sure there are the obligatory “hard core” glimpses of the porn JGL is jerking it too, but the lack of FFN from any of the films love interests was a big disappointment. HOW DO YOU HAVE A MOVIE ABOUT DEPRAVITY AND NOT MAKE SCARLETT JOHANSON SHOW TIT?

4.  Julianne Moore’s time of moderate hotness has long since passed. I didn’t even know she was in this movie and quite frankly, I wish that she wasn’t. Maude Lebowski has seen better days, and the point that she enters the movie pretty much kills any fun. 10,000 hotties in Hollywood and this is the best we can do?

5. JGL acts the shit out of his meathead role. Seriously he was awesome in this movie. I watched Lincoln on Saturday night and seeing him holding his own with Daniel Day Lewis (Why the fuck do you need three goddamn names to be an actor?) only underscored how awesome his transformation was for this movie. Dude is an absolute A lister.

Recommendation: So the basic concept behind the movie is that JGL is a meathead from Jersey who crushes every night at the club but is unsatisfied with the women he brings home. The only relief he can find is in the palm of his hand in front of a computer screen, sometimes with the woman he just defiled still lying in his bed. In his mind the women he brings home can never live up to the unrealistic women of his porn. Where the movie gets cute, and makes whatever satirical, socially relevant point a movie about spanking it can make, is when it compares those unrealistic expectations to the equally unrealistic expectations that Scarlett Johansson’s Long Island Princess character has developed from the romantic comedies she is obsessed with.

In the end the movie was a moderately good time and the acting was amazing. I’m not sure if the point the movie was trying to make was as important as the last third of the movie tried to make it, but as overall pointless fun it wasn’t a bad way to spend 1.5 hours.


via The Turtle


One Comment

  1. Nice review! More of these would be good.

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