$15 to Create the World’s Worst Fan

Sports and Bets — June 4, 2014 at 2:08 pm by

worstThese types of budget scenarios have been floating around the internet for awhile now. There’s been assembling the best band, hockey team, basketball team, etc. Those were all fun and games, but this one is serious business. Nothing gets my blood boiling like doucher fans, and these fanbases represent the cream of the crop in that area. Here are my picks…

NFL – $3 Pittsburgh


Biggest no-brainer of my lifetime. If Pittsburgh cost my entire $15 budget, I’d still consider picking them and forfeiting the other categories. Their fanbase is just the worst combination of unknowledgeable front-runners and mouth breathing, arrogant hicks. I can understand Washington being $5 due to their piece of shit owner and their racist name, but Oakland costing $4 was baffling to me. Their team goes 6-10 every year, who the hell is getting worked up over Raider fans? I guess they factored in their fanbase’s affinity for wearing goofy costumes and stabbing other fans.

College Football – $1 Texas


This was purely a financial decision. I really don’t have a problem with Texas football; I just had to save some money for my MLB and College basketball picks. If I had the funds, I would have loved to land Alabama at $3. Those Saban loving, rednecks are truly awful.

MLB – $5 Yankees

yankeefangifThe Red Sox were a tempting value pick at $3, but they only became insufferable to me after that second title. Yankee fans have been annoying the absolute hell out of me for as long as I can remember. They are easily the most obnoxious and conceited fanbase in North American sports. These jackasses act like they personally won those World Series championships. All of these pompous, conceited, first-rate dickheads can go fuck themselves with one of A-Rod’s used syringes.

College Basketball – $4 Duke 


Such an easy pick here. I think Duke fans honestly ejaculate every time one of their players takes a charge. Half of their fanbase is comprised of nerdy ass, deranged students and alumni that have a cult-like devotion to that master manipulator Coach K. The other half probably hasn’t been within 500 miles of Duke’s campus, but will tell you that they became a fan because “they play the game the right way.” Both halves can suck it.

NBA – $2 Knicks


I wish Knick fans would just embrace reality and realize that their team is a bag of shit and will be for the foreseeable future. Phil Jackson’s not bringing the ’96 Bulls with him. They haven’t been a true contender in roughly 15 years, but this team always finds itself in the center of attention. They are a less successful, equally annoying version of the Cowboys. You always hear Knicks fans complaining about the current teams not living up to the great Knicks tradition. What great tradition? They’ve been around since 1946 and won only two championships, get the fuck over yourselves.

So those are my picks, let know what you guys think in the comments.

H/T DMV Barstool 

One Comment

  1. id put all 15 dollars on the red sox

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